The Notebook of Carlos Moore

Elana, who suddenly no longer wants to be called Mercedes, is giving Teresa fits. She’s upset that her mom’s getting remarried, which is understandable. I don’t think I’m good enough for Teresa either, so we’ve got no argument there, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try. Elana also has a new boyfriend, who used to be a banger in San Diego. He probably dealt drugs, and he may have shot someone. I checked up on him, because my job is to provide security for the family, and because Teresa asked me to. Elana sees it as a violation of trust, I’m sure, but I’m willing to give this Roberto kid the benefit of the doubt. For a start, he left San Diego and moved away from his gang buddies. There’s no indication he’s got connections out here. He seems to have moved to get away from that life. As Elana and I both pointed out to Teresa, he may be suspected of a shooting but he was never charged, and I’ve shot plenty of people in my time for reasons related to the lifestyle. I also told Teresa that Elana can handle herself. If the boy tried anything untoward, Elana would feed him to her dogs. Given the way she grew up, I also don’t think she’d relate to a kid that hasn’t tasted the life. Roberto’s more likely to understand her, what she’s gone through, what she’s struggling with now. I’m giving the kid a chance.

I’m more worried about Solana right now. The meds are working, she’s taking classes, she’s functional but she’s still following Elana around like a puppy dog, and that’s going to explode soon. Elana moved out, and Solana took that as rejection. So Solana moved out, into the same apartment complex. Neither Teresa nor Elana nor Ray can make her completely understand. I’ve been trying to hold back, give the kid some room, but Teresa calls her every day to check on her, and I drop by once or twice a week to make sure she’s got groceries and is taking her meds.

Is this what normal feel like? Yeah, there’s stress with the girls, and the normal cargo transport, and Special Agent Wang hovering in the background, but life at the moment doesn’t involve shootouts with drug cartels or demons lurking in the shadows. Not that they aren’t there, not that they won’t return, but if family is the worst I have to deal with I’m counting myself as blessed. Actually, having a family to deal with makes me feel blessed. Frankly, I feel less creepy watching over Solana now that I am part of the family and not just a cop with attachment issues. How long has it been since I lived in an actual house with actual furniture? Unless I’m on a delivery run, I’m driving a nice car and wearing suits and taking Teresa to nice restaurants. I’m doing CI investigations for Wang not so much to keep him off my back or out of a burning desire to take down the Original Mexican Mafia as to keep busy. I’m a “security consultant”, that’s what my business cards say and that’s how I’ve got Teresa funnelling my money for tax purposes (my client list is confidential, of course, to explain why I don’t have any reciepts).

Teresa’s given me something the Marines and the DEA never did: a sense of belonging somewhere, and a sense that what I do matters.